Talking about COVID-19: We’re Living with Grief
By Carly Fleming, M.Ed. RP
Registered Psychotherapist
Longing for things the way they used to be?
Find yourself wishfully thinking that you might wake up tomorrow and things will be “back to normal”, even though you are completely aware that’s impossible? Yearning for the physical touch of a loved one that you haven’t been able to hold for far too long? Ever catch yourself engrossed in something and completely forgetting about how different life is for just for a few seconds? Is there that heaviness in your chest or that knot in your stomach that never seems to go away?
All of this is grief.
If you’ve ever lost something or someone you love very much, these are familiar feelings to you. They may be so familiar that our current world feels like it’s just too much to bear. Or maybe you’ve been through it before so you feel prepared and equipped for what’s happening. Or maybe these feelings are new and this is your first experience with the heaviness of a huge loss. However this is resonating with you, these feelings are happening because you are human. And we are designed for this.
We are designed to love and we are designed to lose. We grieve because we love.
Grief and loss may be universal human experiences but that certainly doesn’t mean we all experience them the same way. Many people might notice some of the feelings or sensations associated with grief and automatically dodge the discomfort by avoiding the feelings or distracting from them. Others might slip into a low and constant level of depression. Some might try to numb the feelings using alcohol, Instagram or Netflix. And maybe, just maybe, there are a few people out there who will allow themselves to feel the feelings. It’s that simple and that complicated all at once. In order to live in a way that honours what we are living through, we must allow ourselves to feel our feelings.
Grief knocks on our door to remind us of who we truly are and what is truly important to us.
Of what we value and how we live with (or sometimes without), what we value. Grief only asks us to notice its presence and allow it to stay a while. What happens next is your journey. There may be tears, anger, stillness, agitation or any other number of reactions. If you can allow yourself the time and the space to experience whatever feelings come, you will have honoured yourself and honoured your grief.
With the restrictions that have come with the COVID-19 lock-down, we are living in a world that looks and feels so very different than the one we knew two short months ago. We have lost so very much. Some of our losses may be temporary while others are permanent. How do you feel about what you have lost? What are you longing for? Are there elements of your previous life that you do not want to return to? In order to spend time with these questions, you’re going to need to spend time with your grief. Your grief is part of you and I for one couldn’t imagine a better person for you to sit with a while.