Is money stress getting you down?
By Aviva Boxer, Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying)
When someone mentions the words ‘money’, ‘budget’ or ‘finances’, how do you feel? How do you react? Maybe you notice a tightness in your chest, or a queasy feeling in your stomach. Maybe you notice an overwhelming feeling of dread coming over you.
Do you ever stop to think about the kind of relationship you have with your money? Not just the amount you have in your bank account, but how you feel about it. Is your relationship to money loving, kind and supportive? Or fearful, avoidant and full of shame?
Money and shame are old friends and often go hand in hand when we have anxiety around money. The problem with this is the more shame we feel about our money, the less likely we are to talk about it, share our feelings, be open about our worries and get the support we need to feel better. Holding on to these feelings and not expressing them can be corrosive to us.
If you are feeling financial stress, you don’t have to carry it alone.
Do you suffer from financial stress?
According to the Government of Canada, 48 percent of Canadians say they’ve lost sleep because of financial worries and 44 percent say it would be difficult to meet their financial obligations if their pay is late. That means that essentially half the population worries about money and experiences some type of financial stress and yet as a society we do not learn the basics in school nor do we feel comfortable talking about this topic at work, in social settings, or even within our closest relationships.
Some of the basics of everyday life can cause the most stress, such as:
Managing household expenses
Dealing with high levels of debt
Living pay cheque to pay cheque
Struggling to save money for short and long-term goals
Dealing with unexpected expenses
Financial stress can also lead to more serious health problems, such as:
Heart disease
High blood pressure
Mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety
The same government report says that if you are dealing with financial stress, you are:
Twice as likely to report poor overall health
Four times as likely to suffer from sleep problems, headaches and other illnesses
More likely to experience strain in your personal relationships
Money and shame are old friends and often go hand in hand when we have anxiety around money. The problem with this is the more shame we feel about our money, the less likely we are to talk about it
What causes fear of money?
So much around money fear and shame relates back to the concept of scarcity both in finances and in our lives in general. A scarcity mindset goes beyond fear related to money, and is often expressed as a broader feeling of lack in a person’s life - they might focus mainly on the lack in their life in areas such as time, opportunities, or possessions. A scarcity mindset can be situational, stemming from the loss of a job, divorce or any sudden change in circumstances. It can also exist and be passed down in our family culture, from one generation to the next.
How can you improve your relationship with money?
The first step to improving your relationship with money is understanding how you actually feel about it - what emotions you feel and how they show up physically in your body. When you are under financial strain, do you feel a tightness in your chest, a sick feeling in your gut, have sweaty palms or shallow breathing? When you acknowledge these challenging feelings and tune into the signals your body is sending you, you may feel relieved that you are finally addressing them.
The second step to improving your relationship to money is showing yourself compassion for the fear and anxiety you are feeling and for not being where you want to be financially. Self-compassion is a powerful tool that can help you process your feelings from a place of support and care, which can lead to ease and acceptance, even with something as stressful as money anxiety. If you are stressed about your Visa bill and you are unsure when you will be able to pay it off, showing yourself kindness and compassion for your situation, as you would do to a close friend or loved one, can help to ease the stress. This will not, of course, erase your Visa balance, but it can help you cope with how you view this debt.
The third step to improving your relationship with money is cultivating an abundance mindset, also called a growth mindset. Cultivating an abundance mindset allows us to look at our lives in a more positive, hopeful and rich way, even if our circumstances have not changed. As we begin to look at our lives in a different way, we can allow ourselves to focus on what we do have instead of what we don’t. Of course this won’t magically change our financial circumstances, especially if we are struggling to cover our basic bills, but it can ease the pain of scarcity and offer respite and a way of looking at our lives with more gratitude for what we do have (loving support, our health), as well as using mindfulness, which helps us return to the present moment, which in turn helps us to calm feelings of anxiety.
Tap into your own abundance mindset with this 5-minute abundance meditation:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bBPJ1EEUCc
How therapy can help
Feeling stress around the topic of money? Therapy can help. Talking to a therapist about your financial fears and taking time to understand and explore your relationship with money can help ease your anxiety around money, just by having a safe place to talk about it. Your therapist will listen in an open and non-judgemental way and help you to explore the origins of your feelings and beliefs about money.
Looking for some support? When you’re ready, we can help.
Book a free 30 minute consultation and let’s talk about it.