New Year’s Intentions - An Intentions versus Resolutions Approach
By Lindsay Ryan, Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying)
A common refrain heard at this time of year is “What’s your new year’s resolution?”. This simple question can bring up a lot of thoughts and feelings for people. The nature of the question suggests that there is something you need to “fix” about yourself or your life. The question can prompt you to reflect on your life and look for gaps or problems that need to be solved. This can lead to self-criticism, self-doubt, and uncomfortable feelings about yourself and your life. Many people will give up on their resolution and this results in even more uncomfortable feelings. If new year’s resolutions can generate so much discomfort, why do we even have this practice?
History of Resolutions
New year’s resolutions can be traced as far back as 4,000 years ago with the ancient Babylonians whose ritual was focused on repaying debts and returning borrowed items. From there, it has evolved and has included making promises to gods, and more recently creating personal goals. In Scotland, New Year’s or Hogmanay is celebrated because it is a chance to say goodbye to the last year and to welcome in new luck and hope for abundance with a new year. Other cultures and religions celebrate the beginning of a new year at other times or even various times throughout the year, for example Chinese Lunar New Year, and Judaism’s Rosh Hashanah among many others. An underlying theme of almost all new year’s celebrations is that the new year brings with it hope and a chance for abundance, increased comfort and joy in life with the new year.
Reframe Resolutions as Intentions
Increasing comfort and joy is a powerful concept. What new year’s does is anchor this idea to a time of year and acts as a reminder of possibilities. So how do we bring the spirit of welcoming in abundance without all the uncomfortable feelings that come along with setting resolutions?
Instead of thinking about what you want to change or alter in your life, think about what you want to welcome into your life. Try naming what you want to welcome in as a noun (thing) and not a verb (action). An example is you may say you would like to welcome in health. Now, rather than a bunch of action items on your to-do list, you have an anchor for which you base the decisions in your life. When faced with a decision, you ask yourself, how will this impact my intention to welcome in health? When you plot out your day or week, ask yourself if you have built in things that will welcome in health. When you plan your meals, have your welcomed in health? When you make social plans, have your welcomed in health? The intention you set will help guide and inspire your life so that you do the things that will welcome in what you want in your life.
SMART Goals
Some people may prefer a more structured approach. But most people report being unsuccessful in achieving their past new year’s resolutions and that can be discouraging. One reason people don’t meet their resolutions is that they don’t create a goal that can be met. If you have a specific goal in mind you would like to achieve, try using the SMART goal formula to set yourself up for successful pursuit of that goal.
Specific. Make sure you can state the goal in very specific terms. For example, I plan to read for 15 minutes before bed every night.
Measurable. Can you tell if the goal has been met? For example, a goal of “read more” is not measurable. However, we can make it measurable if we add in some variables, such as reading a certain number of pages, or for a certain time.
Achievable. Is your goal something you can do when you consider the constraints of your life? Is there an acceptable variance in the goal? For example, reading for 15 minutes a night is not always achievable in my life. With all the constraints I have, reading 4 nights a week is more likely achievable. Therefore, I will try for every night, but if I only make 4 nights per week that is okay and is still considered successful.
Relevant. Is your goal relevant to your life and what you want to welcome in? Will you be motivated to achieve it? Does it help build comfort, joy, or abundance? Does it align with your personal values?
Time-Bound. Consider how long you would like to pursue this goal. This may be counter-intuitive for long-term goals that you would like to have, but this is an important aspect of achieving a goal and feeling successful. For example, my goal of reading for 15 minutes every night sounds like something I want to do forever, but that is not realistic, or time bound. At first, I can decide I want to try this new routine for 1 month and after that month, if I have read at least 4 nights a week for 15 minutes, I have achieved my goal. At the end of the month, if reading is still important to me, I can set up a whole new SMART goal with its own constraints and timeframe.
It can take some time to formulate a really good SMART goal. Using the buddy system can help. For people with neurodivergence, like ADHD and ASD, finding an accountability buddy or accountability group can be extremely helpful.Restful moves
Goals and Intentions are not just for New Year’s
An important point is that goals and intentions can be set at any time of the year. There is an increased focus on starting them during the new year, but that is not always realistic. You don’t have to wait until the new year to start a new goal or habit in your life. Any day is a good day to start. A trick I learned is that when you feel like starting something, start it that day. A mistake many people make is to assume they will start a new habit, goal, or routine with the beginning of the week. I have often heard “I’ll start Monday”. But if you have the motivation to start a goal, start it right away. You don’t need to wait for the beginning of a week, a month or even a year. For people who menstruate, waiting for a specific date to start a new goal can actually work against you as motivation wanes in weeks 3 or 4 of your cycle. If you feel like doing it, do it now.
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