It’s summer and COVID restrictions are lifting – why am I still languishing?
By Carly Fleming, M.Ed. RP
Registered Psychotherapist
Still Languishing?
It’s August in Canada and we are in the midst of what should be (yikes … always watch out when the ‘shoulds’ show up!) a recharging, fun-filled month. But many, many people just aren’t feeling it. Back in April of this year the ever-trusted Adam Grant wrote this article about the almost ubiquitous pandemic feeling he calls ‘languishing’. His brilliant insights gave us a name for what we were feeling – something between depression and flourishing that made us feel ‘blah’. But that was April! And COVID was still in full swing. Surely, now that it’s summer and we are able to get back to so much of what we missed, we aren’t languishing anymore, are we??? Unfortunately, it seems we are. If you are one of the lucky ones who is feeling revitalized, recharged and filled with summer fun, hats off to you! (And stop reading and get back to all that fun that’s waiting for you!). But for most people, the languishing remains and it’s getting very tiring. So what’s happening here?
We are not actually “back to normal”.
Yes, we can gather with friends, attend sporting events, go out for dinner, spend a day at the mall, etc., etc. But these things are not the same as they were post-pandemic. Whether it’s discussion with friends about vaccination status, navigating the anxiety that’s associated with sitting close to strangers at an event, wondering if the sore throat you have may not be allergies after all…things are not “normal”. After a year and a half of mostly being prevented from doing the things we love, we have so much expectation built up – but when we arrive in these spaces, with the people we missed so much, it can feel extra heavy to realize that COVID is still lingering.
We have experienced a collective trauma and we need time to heal.
Well, actually, we are still experiencing a collective trauma. Regardless of the specifics of how the pandemic has affected your life, each and every one of us is carrying emotional pain associated with the past 18 months. Fear and uncertainty are everywhere and they have been for a long time now. It is going to take time, lots of time, before we are able to heal. The healing process may not even be able to begin until we are further out of the woods than we are right now. So even if you are able to go to a birthday party or spend a day with your family, you are likely carrying emotional pain along with you.
The future is very uncertain.
The news isn’t great. The numbers are rising and we don’t know what the next few months (or few years) will bring. Even if today you are able to spend time doing the things you love with the people you love, you don’t know how long that will last. For many people there’s an ever-present feeling of anxiety as they wait to find out what the future will bring.
I hope that some of what you’ve read above helps you to feel seen and validated. But the big question is “What can I do to feel better? To flourish a bit more?”. The answers aren’t easy to put in practice, but they are simple.
Stay in the moment.
When you are with someone you care about or doing something you enjoy, it is imperative to connect to the present moment in order to extract the most joy possible out of that experience. Present-moment awareness is so simple but it requires practice and commitment. It requires you to notice when you are thinking about something else and to gently bring yourself back to the moment. It requires you to stay in tune with your body and notice when you are carrying physical stress that is unrelated to the moment. Start by tuning in with your senses. Truly look at the people you are with or the environment around you. Notice the sounds, the smells, the sights. See how long you can stay in your senses before thinking takes over.
Avoid over-thinking.
There is A LOT to think about right now, and it is impossible to completely stop the thoughts associated with trying to make sense of the pandemic (and we wouldn’t want to stop them entirely). But there is a big difference between thinking and over-thinking. You’ll be able to spot over-thinking when you find yourself returning to the same line of thinking over and over again. It may be that you are talking to people about the same topics or ruminating over things as you go about your day. Very often this over-thinking results in anxiety manifesting itself in the body so you may notice that there is physical tension associated with certain patterns of thinking. Becoming aware of this tendency is so important. Once you notice it, you can start to challenge it. Simply ask yourself if there is anything new to offer these thoughts since the last time you thought about them. If there is nothing new, you can confidently invite yourself to pay attention to something different for a little while.
Recognize and express your emotions.
We are all carrying a lot of unprocessed emotion about the pandemic. Even if you’ve been expressing yourself throughout, I can be almost sure that there is more at the root. And unfortunately there is probably more to come. So when you feel the tears rising to the surface, please just let them flow. If you find yourself more irritable than you would expect, give yourself some grace and let that frustration find a healthy way out (punching bag anyone???). I truly believe that we need to talk about the way this pandemic has affected us. Most of us have talked endlessly about the details, the restrictions, the decision-making. But most of us haven’t talked enough about the sadness, the loss, the fear. We need to talk about what the toughest days felt like. And we need to make space for others to talk. Ask your friends what the toughest days felt like for them. Hold space for them as they tell you. And then share your feelings with them.
Looking for someone to hold space for you?
If you’d like to start opening up about the way that the pandemic is affecting you, we’re here to help. Our trained therapists are ready to have the tough conversations and help you recognize and express what’s going on for you.
When you’re ready, we can help.
Book a free 30 minute consultation and let’s talk about it.