How your money personality affects your relationship
Understanding your ‘money story’ can help you and your partner talk about money more joyfully and peacefully
November 30, 2025
By Aviva Boxer, Registered Psychotherapist
Before you made it official with your partner, did you sit down and have The Money Talk? Did you talk about how money was dealt with in your families growing up? Did you talk about your feelings about money, your views on credit card debt — do you pay off the whole thing each month or carry a balance and just keep chipping away at it? Did you discuss whether you would like to save to buy a place or rent? Did you talk about combining your finances or keeping them separate?
“Sometimes money disagreements are so heavy they can cause both partners to shut down and avoid talking about money.”
Emotionally draining
Talking about money with your partner is one of the hardest things to do in relationships partly because most of us never learned how and partly because talking about money can be very emotionally draining. Depending on how each of you relates to money, discussing savings or debt or simply making a budget you both agree on can feel like a minefield. One of you may feel that it is important to save a certain amount of money first before doing anything fun and the other may feel like savings can build up more slowly because travelling now before having kids is much more important.
Disagreements feel heavy
Talking about money can bring up feelings of fear, guilt, shame, avoidance and scarcity in both partners making it difficult for each person to calmly express their needs and wants and can quickly turn into a fight or a power struggle. Sometimes those disagreements are so heavy they can cause both partners to shut down and avoid talking about money, which can then have a negative effect on both the financial and overall health of the relationship.
Disagreements about money make up 40 percent of total disagreements between partners, which are especially detrimental to the relationship. Key reasons for disagreements include financial stress, spending styles and behaviours, how each of you views organization of your finances and differences in values. If you are reading this and you recognize yourself in some of these scenarios, that is actually great news, because the first step to changing is awareness.
Your money story
Once you do the work of understanding your own money story and you realize what ‘baggage’ you are bringing to the table, you can start to understand your own money personality better and talk to your partner about it. The Klontz Money Script Inventory provides us with important insight and research into our money narratives and behaviours. Very often it is less about the content of your money talk and more about how you talk about money together that will make the conversation more meaningful for both of you. Doing your own inner work can help you to meet your partner with more care, curiosity and collaboration and make for a more peaceful connection with each other.
Want to learn more about your money personality? Take our easy quiz below. And remember, we are here to help you and your partner sort through your money struggles together. Reach out to us and you will be matched with a couples’ therapist who gets you and is ready to do the work alongside you.
Couples money personality quiz
Understand your patterns. Reduce stress. Grow together.
Money conversations in relationships can be tender, emotional, and sometimes tense. Often, the conflict isn’t really about dollars — it’s about needs, fears, values, and old stories we carry.
This quiz (created with the help of ChatGPT) helps couples explore two things:
Your individual money personality
How your styles blend, clash, or complement each other
There are 8 money personalities. Most people lean toward two or three, so choose the answers that feel most true for you.
Instructions
Each partner completes the quiz separately.
Track your letters (A–H).
Then compare your results at the end for insight and next steps.
The Quiz
1. When unexpected expenses pop up, I usually feel:
A. Worried about how it affects our savings
B. Fine — we’ll make it work
C. Overwhelmed and tempted to ignore it
D. Unsettled — I like having a plan for emergencies
E. Motivated to find ways to earn more
F. Ready to adjust the budget
G. Concerned about how it impacts loved ones
H. Upset if it disrupts something meaningful I wanted
2. When talking about money with my partner, I tend to:
A. Focus on saving and being responsible
B. Suggest ways we can enjoy life more
C. Shut down or change the subject
D. Emphasize safety and planning
E. Bring new ideas, investments, or opportunities
F. Get into the details and numbers
G. Think about how our choices affect others
H. Worry about fairness or lifestyle comfort
3. My go-to coping response around money stress is:
A. Tighten spending
B. Treat myself for comfort
C. Avoid checking accounts or bills
D. Seek reassurance
E. Take risks to “fix” things
F. Reorganize everything
G. Give or help someone instead
H. Buy something grounding or meaningful
4. The financial behaviour I most value in a partner is:
A. Consistency and saving
B. Enjoying the moment
C. Patience with my stress
D. Preparedness and security
E. Thinking big and taking chances
F. Being organized and transparent
G. Being generous and thoughtful
H. Valuing quality and long-term goals
5. My biggest fear in a relationship when it comes to money is:
A. Running out of savings
B. Feeling restricted
C. Being judged for not “adulting well”
D. Being unprepared for a crisis
E. Missing out on opportunities
F. Losing control or clarity
G. Not being able to care for someone I love
H. Feeling like I can’t keep up
6. When planning for the future, I tend to:
A. Think about building a safety net
B. Imagine experiences we can enjoy
C. Feel intimidated by long-term planning
D. Focus on stability
E. Dream big and aim high
F. Create detailed plans
G. Make sure everyone is okay
H. Think about lifestyle and comfort
Money personality types
A — Saver
Values security, consistency, and building a financial cushion.
B — Spender
Values joy, freedom, and using money to create experiences.
C — Avoider
Feels overwhelmed by money and may delay decisions or conversations.
D — Security Seeker
Values safety, preparedness, and reducing risk.
E — Risk Taker
Values possibility, growth, and opportunity.
F — Planner
Values structure, clarity, and detailed organization.
G — Giver
Values care, generosity, and supporting others.
H — Status/Lifestyle Seeker
Values meaning, comfort, beauty, or identity in how money is used.
What your combination means as a couple
If you share the same type(s):
You’ll often understand each other easily — but watch for blind spots.
Examples:
Two Savers may struggle to enjoy money.
Two Spenders may avoid long-term planning.
Two Avoiders may unintentionally increase stress.
If you have opposite types:
This is extremely common — and often complementary.
A Saver + Spender, or a Planner + Avoider, can bring balance if conversations are compassionate and structured.
If one partner is more emotional about money:
That’s normal. Nervous system responses differ.
Try:
Pausing conversations when overwhelmed
Using “I feel…” instead of “You always…”
Setting weekly 15-minute check-ins
Naming triggers, not blaming each other
How to feel less stressed about money together
Name your patterns without shame.
Understanding your types helps you see the why beneath your reactions.
Create shared rules that honour both styles.
For example: a “fun money” budget for the Spender, and a savings percentage for the Saver.
Use structure to make talks safe.
Short meetings, clear agendas, no criticism.
Separate emotional needs from financial decisions.
Sometimes we’re seeking soothing, reassurance, or connection — not money solutions.
Choose a shared goal — even a small one.
A debt target, travel fund, or emergency cushion builds teamwork.
If discussions keep derailing, bring it into therapy.
Money is one of the most emotionally loaded topics couples face. Support helps.