Guide to Loss and Grief

Expressing your emotions

GUIDE home

As a general rule, our culture doesn’t do a good job of teaching us how to deal with difficult emotions.

The old adages of “stiff upper lip” and “keep calm and carry on” are woven deeply inside our collective subconscious.

So it’s no wonder that when someone faces a very serious loss which creates intense emotions, often the first reaction is to turn away from the intensity, stuff the feelings down and try to move on with their life. And in many ways, this is adaptive as it allows us to maintain our relationships, our jobs, and our stability while we navigate a significant loss. But as with anything in life, moderation is the key and we need to make sure we create time and space for our emotions while also trying to maintain stability. 

So let’s answer the question “Why is expressing emotion important for grieving people?”.

Emotions are designed to move

The word emotion is derived from the Latin word meaning ‘to move’.

According to Science Daily, “emotion is a neural impulse that moves an organism to action”.  

From its very origins, the word emotion has been associated with movement. Think about the terms “I was stirred up” or “that was really moving” that we use to describe emotional experiences.

Movement is central to the way that we process emotion. With this in mind, we can see why emotion simply cannot be pushed away, stuffed down or avoided all together. However, sometimes when people experience the intense emotion that comes with grief, they feel afraid and unprepared to deal with the pain and distress so old cultural narratives kick in and “just get on with things” or “stop thinking about it and you’ll feel better” sound like good strategies. 

Ways to express yourself

You may be wondering how you can move the emotions so that they don’t get stuck. This is where emotional expression comes in. The good news is that most of the time, there and very simple and natural ways to get those feelings moving! I’m talking about very simple ways to express emotion that most people know inherently.

Crying when you’re sad, stomping your feet when you’re angry or talking to a caring friend when you’re overwhelmed will often be enough.

Express your feelings in tangible way: There are many creative ways to express emotion that you may not immediately think of but that are simple (and sometimes even comforting or fun).

Be physically healthy: Your mind and body are connected, and physical health helps with the emotional healing process. It’s natural to feel lethargic or low energy, but if you’re able to take a walk or a run, it will promote the process. Combat your fatigue with an appropriate amount of sleep, and choose foods that provide you not just with comfort but energy.

Allow yourself to grieve: Often we push the grief away, or tamp it down by distracting ourselves with activities or tasks. Trying to avoid grief only leads to prolonging it — the grief has to be allowed to surface. Unresolved grief can lead to depression, anxiety, substance abuse and health problems.

Don’t judge yourself, or let others judge you: You are allowed to grieve for as long and as deeply as you need to. No one — including yourself — can tell you when to “move on” or “get over it.” It’s okay to be angry, to cry, not cry, or even laugh — you need to allow for moments of joy in your grief, and feel no guilt for having a moment without pain.

Navigate Guide

Guide to Loss and Grief
What is grief?
That feeling you’re feeling is grief
Expressing your emotions
Time does not heal all wounds
Supporting a grieving person
Counselling for loss and grief

Back to Guide landing page