When burnout and compassion fatigue hit hard
How to restore yourself when helping others has left you with no “cares” left to give
June 18, 2025
By Rached Gmitrowicz, Registered Psychotherapist(Qualifying)
Therapist Intern
I have been a helper/carer for as long as I can remember, and professionally I’ve been in caring roles for the past 10 years. While I was working at my local HIV/AIDS Service Organization I burned out — hard. Alongside the typical symptoms we associate with burnout (frequent illness, tiredness, constant frustration, etc.) I also felt that I lost a part of myself, as my compassion seemed to disappear. I had learned in school that this was called compassion fatigue; the depleting of the emotional resources to care for others that comes from engaging in emotional labour without the refilling of our own metaphorical cups. Every journey through compassion fatigue is unique, and there may be parts of my story that do not align with what you have experienced. However, I hope that in reading what I experienced you can find validation, some self-compassion, and potentially truth in believing that you can care again.
Compassion fatigue found me while I was doing emotionally taxing, empathetic, and caring work without caring enough for myself. I tried to attend to my needs; I finally used some of my vacation days and lieu hours that had piled up. I tried self-care; working out, seeing friends, painting my nails, taking baths and any other self-care activity I could think of, or afford.
The problem was that these steps came too late. In the non-profit sector I was taught a great deal about burnout prevention (heck, I organized a conference about it), but knowing the risks of burnout is not the same as experiencing it. You can know the signs to look for but, for me, losing the part of myself that brought me to this work was the only way I could begin to recognize that the compassion I spent on others had been the resource I kept from myself.
Over identifying with being the carer makes it tough to accept care from others; if I am not the one who is helping, do I have any value?
“Being actively compassionate means meeting people where they are at and understanding that they will not show up perfectly. This is true for the people we care for, but it is also true about ourselves.”
Hitting burnout
“I don’t care anymore.”
“I love helping people, I just hate people right now.”
“I have always been the compassionate/kind/caring one, but lately I get frustrated/overwhelmed/angry/exhausted over everything.”
“If I don’t do this, no one else will.”
“I don’t have the energy to train someone else to do the work I need them to take off my plate.”
In the exhaustion of my burnout I felt all of these statements. I can talk endlessly about the fulfilling nature of my work as a therapist, case worker, advocate, educator, volunteer, caretaking friend/family member, etc. However, when being of service to others takes its toll, it is hard to experience the positives. Nothing made me feel more frustrated than when others would point out how rewarded I must feel. My reality was that I was scraping the barrel of my emotional capacity to keep from voicing my judgments and annoyance with myself and the people I cared for. I won't sugarcoat it; I acted like a jerk. Maybe that's how you're acting right now too. Here’s where that need for self-compassion starts coming in.
Being compassionate
Being actively compassionate means meeting people where they are at and understanding that they will not show up perfectly. This is true for the people we care for, but it is also true about ourselves. This place of burnout exists in the context of our lives, not outside of it; in the boundaries that we never set, or let erode, in the healing or help we needed and refused to ask for.
I was unwilling to accept imperfect help. If something that was my responsibility would take me 10 minutes, and teaching you to do it would take 30 minutes, then it was just easier for me to do it myself. Sometimes pushing others away looks more like not letting them in. Over identifying with being the carer makes it tough to accept care from others; if I am not the one who is helping, do I have any value?
For some people going through burnout, it can be healthy to help others and get involved in community; using avenues like volunteering to explore other ways of bringing value to the world than through financially contributing to society. When you already tie your sense of worth to your ability to help others this approach can add to the exhaustion. Community is important, but continuing to take on more responsibility does not help you internalize the truth that your value exists whether you are helping or not. Just like the people you help, you are worthy of community just for being you.
So that’s it.
Recognize that you are valuable, even if you did nothing; despite having built your self-worth around being a helper.
AND
Ask for help, and accept it, even when it is imperfect; even though sometimes it means adding more onto an already full plate.
Easy. Right?
If compassion is meeting people where they are at, then start rebuilding compassion with meeting yourself. Do you have any creative pursuits? How do you express yourself in a way that you can really listen to? Who can you turn to in your communities to show you what it looks like to show compassion to yourself (whether they’ve met you with compassion, modelled being self-compassionate, or both)? Do you know who you are outside of being a carer? Compassion is a finite resource, and you are tapped out until you rest it and discover the parts of yourself that need expression, fulfilment, and compassion.
If you are feeling overwhelmed and depleted from caring for everyone in your life other than yourself, we are here to help and you are not alone! Reach out to us for a free consultation.