Menopause: It wasn’t the ending I was expecting it to be
Getting through the hard times of peri-menopause gave way to something better
By Aviva Boxer, Registered Psychotherapist
Are you in the vicinity of middle age and feeling anxious, depressed, sleeping poorly, reevaluating your life’s purpose and figuring out what is next for you? Maybe you are going through a midlife crisis or maybe you are going through menopause — how are you to really know? The frustrating part about menopausal symptoms is that all or none could be attributed to menopause and it is anyone’s guess. Doctors don’t seem to have much information other than to say, “yes, you are in menopause.” So it really comes down to us figuring this out for ourselves.
Something to dread and endure
When I started to go through peri-menopause about 10 years ago, I had no idea what was going on. No one in my life talked about menopause — it was not discussed as openly as it is today. I never talked to my mom about her experience, I didn’t even think to ask her about it. Same with my two older sisters. I find it surprising now looking back that I did not ask the women in my life about their symptoms and what it felt like to go through one of the biggest changes we will ever experience in our lives. I got the message, as many of us have, that menopause was something to dread and endure silently, not to celebrate in the same way we may have done when we got our periods. Menopause always felt like an ending to me, not the beginning of something. I could not have been more wrong.
So many of our peri-menopausal symptoms aren’t clearly defined or attributed until we are looking back and can see them more clearly.
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“What I have learned through this metamorphosis is that menopause is a beautiful and tough road to a new place, a stronger sense of self, a clearer path forward that puts me at the centre.”
Mood swings and lots of anxiety
When I started having symptoms, I noticed some mood swings, lots of anxiety, interrupted sleep, lots of stress and reevaluating my longtime career as a journalist. The current state of journalism and I did not agree anymore and I realized over those peri-menopausal years that my values had seriously changed. At the same time I was going through all of this, I also got a cancer diagnosis that brought up many emotions and caused me to view myself in a whole new light. I wasn’t the healthy person I thought I was. It messed with my sense of self and it was a lot to navigate. Even with the cancer diagnosis, most of the time I was not aware that so many of my feelings were related to perimenopause. But looking back I see that now.
So what happened? I struggled through the perimenopausal symptoms for years on my own, started a deep dive into meditation, therapy, and better nutrition for my body. That helped a lot but it wasn’t a cure, I still had lots of hard times. I got a handle on my diagnosis and with great support, things are stable with my chronic cancer. I left my job as a journalist and became a therapist! I have found more beauty and depth in this work than I could ever have imagined. The peri-menopausal symptoms eventually evened out and once I got well onto the other side of menopause, life started to get better.
A beautiful and tough road
What I have learned through this metamorphosis is that menopause is a beautiful and tough road to a new place, a stronger sense of self, a clearer path forward that puts me at the centre. My kids are older and more independent and I have more time to focus on myself and on growing and changing in the ways that resonate with me right now and what I want for myself in the future. Living a post-menopausal life for me is about living according to my values and letting go of the things that no longer serve me, namely other people’s ideas of who I should or should not be, and that has allowed me to have more peace, self-acceptance and confidence.
If you are going through peri-menopause and in the thick of those turbulent feelings, you are not alone. There is more information available than ever before to help you identify and understand your physical and emotional symptoms. And one of the best places to get support is with a therapist who you connect with on a deep level. Coming to therapy is a space just for you to be seen and heard and to share all that you are struggling with. We are here to help, even to simply be present with you as you allow yourself to unravel a bit and know that that is OK. If you feel that therapy is something that would help you, reach out to us for a consultation.