The Gottman Method Approach to Couples Counselling
By Monica Donsanjh, RSW
Registered Social Worker
World-renowned for their work on marital stability and divorce prediction, Doctors John Gottman and Julie Gottman have conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples. Their work on marriage and parenting have earned them numerous major awards and prestige within the field of psychology and couples therapy.
We’re talking to Monica Donsanjh, a Registered Social Worker, here at everwell who has Level 1, 2 and 3 Gottman Method Training about what the Gottman Method is and how it can benefit couples in counselling.
Q: Who are Doctors John Gottman and Julie Gottman?
Dr. John Gottman is an American psychological researcher and clinician who has completed extensive work on what constitutes healthy relationships vs. relationship breakdown. His partner Dr. Julie Gottman is an American clinical psychologist, researcher, speaker and author. Together they have co-founded and lead a relationship company and therapist training entity called the Gottman Institute - an organization dedicated to strengthening relationships through research based products and programs.
Dr. Julie Gottman and Dr. John Gottman Photo By: Steve Horn for The New York Times
Q: What is Gottman Method Couples Therapy?
The Gottman Method is an approach to couples therapy that includes a thorough assessment of the couple relationship and integrates research-based interventions based on the Sound Relationship House Theory (the foundation of Gottman Method Therapy).
Q: What are the goals and principles of the Gottman Method?
The goals of Gottman Method Couples Therapy include increasing closeness and friendship behaviors, addressing conflict productivity, and building a life of shared meaning together. This includes creating a “Love Map” defined by Gottman as:
“ The cognitive understanding of your partner’s inner psychological world. Couples that spend time strengthening and updating their Love Maps remember specific details in each other lives, and they keep updating this information as the facts and feelings of their partner’s world change.”
Here are some example questions that couples take turns answering about their partner to refine their ‘Love Map’:
Name your partner’s two closest friends.
What are your partner’s hobbies?
What stresses are facing your partner in the immediate future?
Describe in detail your partner’s day, either today or yesterday.
What is your partner’s fondest dream, as yet unachieved?
What is your partner’s favourite way to spend an evening?
What is your partner’s most favourite relative?
What personal improvements does your partner want to make in the future?
Q: Who can benefit from the Gottman Method?
The Gottman Method is designed to support all couples across all economic, racial, sexual orientations, and cultural sectors. Some of the relationship issues that may be addressed in therapy include:
Frequent conflict and arguments
Poor communication
Emotionally distanced couples on the verge of separation
Specific problems such as sexual difficulties, infidelity, money, and parenting
Even couples with “normal” levels of conflict may benefit from the Gottman Method Couples Therapy. Gottman-trained therapists aim to help couples build stronger relationships overall and healthier ways to cope with issues as they arise in the future. *
Q: What’s the difference between a therapist who is trained in the Gottman Method and one who hasn’t? Does it matter?
While many therapists are familiar with and apply findings and principles from the relationship research of Dr. John Gottman, trained and certified Gottman Method therapists have undergone specific levels of training in the Gottman approach and have learned an array of strategies and interventions for identifying problems and helping couples.
Want to know more?
* Who Can Benefit from the Gottman Method? The Gottman Institute
Marriage Therapists Who Follow Their Own Advice: Julie and John Gottman, The New York Times
Saving a marriage with the Gottmans, and a review of Eight Dates by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, Medium.com
Drs. John and Julie Gottman, The Gottman Institute
So, now that you know a little bit about the Gottman Method for Couples Counselling, are you wondering whether this might be the right approach for you and your partner?
How we can help
Every relationship has its ups and downs.
Our experienced couples counsellors are here to help you navigate major life challenges and develop new patterns of interaction - teaching you skills that are vital to restoring and maintaining a healthier relationship. If you would like to know more about whether couples therapy at everwell is right for you and your partner, book a free 30 minute consultation and we can talk about it.