Why is talking about money so hard?
Understanding the role money has played in your life can help you heal your relationship with it
October 27, 2025
By Aviva Boxer, Registered Psychotherapist
Why is our relationship with money so complicated? We love it but we don’t want to admit we do. Our society is obsessed with it but we are supposed to act like we don’t really care about it or we will seem greedy, selfish and shallow. It’s the hottest topic no one really talks about. But why? Could it be because the whole topic makes us uncomfortable?
We don’t talk about it
It is no secret that so many of us feel supremely awkward talking about money, likely because talking about money is not a regular or easy topic of conversation. We don’t meet up with friends and say, “Hey how’s your job going, how are the kids, and what’s new with your budget?” We might complain about the high cost of groceries (but not feel comfortable revealing how much we actually spend) but that is kind of it. Most of us don’t have a lot of experience having real conversations about money — both the actual numbers and how we feel about it. We often don’t talk about money in social gatherings, we usually don’t tell others how much money we make or how much debt we carry. We often don’t even talk about money with our close friends, our families, our kids, and maybe not even our partners. No wonder the whole topic feels so icky we would rather just ignore it and hope everything works out.
But talking about money allows us to counter the shame, fear or confusion we may have grown up feeling in our families and bring to our adult lives. Understanding our money story is a key element in transforming our relationship with money and feeling comfortable talking about it and dealing with it.
“Our intergenerational relationship with money can also be a factor in our money story, so it is a complicated task to tease apart the pieces to understand why we feel the way we do”
What is your money story?
Your money story is what you tell yourself about your relationship to money. This is a combination of feelings, thoughts and beliefs that are influenced by experiences you have had from childhood all the way into adulthood. Did your family struggle to make ends meet, leaving you always worried about having enough and feeling fearful of money? Or did you grow up with a lot of money and get labeled as the rich kid who had it easy, making you feel that money was bad or something to be ashamed of? It took me a long time to understand my own anxious attachment to money and to realize that I was dealing with a mega scarcity mindset and fear of doing the wrong thing when I started making money as an adult. I relate this directly to my parents’ attitude toward money and to being the granddaughter of immigrants who came to Canada with nothing and had to work very hard to find their place here and create a sense of security for themselves and their families. Our intergenerational relationship with money can also be a factor in our money story, so it is a complicated task to tease apart the pieces to understand why we feel the way we do. I often talk about this with clients because financial wellness is increasingly becoming an important part of the therapeutic experience. And it makes sense. Our relationship to money is often very emotional and this is a natural area to focus on in therapy with all of the other emotional topics we talk about.
Change your relationship with money
So how do you start to change your money story and relationship? Here are 7 tips to get you started.
1. Acknowledge your money story
Everyone has a history with money — shaped by family, culture, and personal experiences. Reflect on questions like:
What messages did I receive about money growing up?
How do I tend to feel when I think about money — anxious, avoidant, guilty, proud?
Understanding your “money story” is the first step to changing it.
2. Notice your emotional triggers
Money often stirs strong emotions. Try noticing without judgment when you feel tension around spending, saving, or talking about money. Journaling about these moments can reveal patterns — like scarcity fears or beliefs about worthiness.
3. Practice money mindfulness
Bring gentle awareness to your financial habits. Before making a purchase, pause to ask: Does this align with my values? or How will this choice make me feel tomorrow?
Mindful attention helps shift money management from avoidance or impulse to intentionality.
4. Talk about money (even when it feels uncomfortable)
Silence breeds shame. Start with small, safe conversations — with a trusted friend, partner, or therapist. Talking about money helps normalize it and reduces the power of secrecy or fear.
5. Separate self-worth from net worth
Many people tie their value to what they earn, own, or owe. Gently remind yourself: My financial situation does not define my worth.
Cultivating self-compassion around money is key to feeling more grounded and less reactive.
6. Reframe mistakes as learning
We’ve all made money decisions we regret. Instead of judgment, approach them with curiosity: What can this teach me? Building financial comfort isn’t about perfection — it’s about learning, adapting, and forgiving yourself.
7. Start small, build confidence
Choose one manageable step that feels empowering — reviewing your bank account regularly, setting a small savings goal, or reading a financial wellbeing book. Each action reinforces trust in your ability to handle money with clarity and calm.
If your feelings about money are overwhelming for you and make you feel powerless and ashamed, we are here to help. Talking about your money fears and worries, as well as exploring and understanding your relationship to money could offer you relief and a chance to reflect. You are not alone and we are here to help! Reach out to us for a free consultation and we will match you with a therapist who you feel safe and comfortable to talk with.