By Drea Baptiste

Now let me preface my story by saying that I am not a psychotherapist or a counsellor. I was asked by the team at everwell to share my unique experiences dealing with COVID-19. I am fortunate enough not to have lost anyone to the virus and I am not a front line health care worker, or someone who has to juggle raising young children while working from home. I am just one person with an experience to share that I hope brings some measure of comfort to those who might be going through similar things.

It was just before the start of the March break when life as I knew it changed forever.

In a matter of days this happened:

Crazy stories of hoarding toilet paper and line-ups at grocery stores are all over the news.
The government tells Canadians to come home and my sister is in Guatemala.
The airlines start cancelling flights and now my sister is stuck in Guatemala.
Our PM calls for ‘social distancing’.
School gets cancelled and our kids will be home for 3 weeks!
I’m starting to panic about food and supplies and go to the grocery store where the shelves are half empty with not a roll of toilet paper to be found ( I get Kleenex because we’re down to three rolls).
Our PM tells us to “go home and stay home”, and Ontario is officially ‘locked down’.
All of my jobs as a self-employed freelancer are ‘on hold’ - which really means cancelled.
I am literally spending all my time messaging, on the phone, online, on email, and on Twitter coordinating with the Government of Canada, the Canadian Embassy in Guatemala, and ALL the airlines trying to get my sister home.
While this is all happening my son and husband are camping for March break - with no cell coverage - so they have no idea what’s going on.

Needless to say, I was freaking out! (BTW - my sister did get an emergency flight back to Canada which was coordinated by the Canadian Embassy in Guatemala and the Canadian Government. She is now in quarantine, self-isolating in Montreal.)

Now after several weeks, we’re all starting to realize that this isn’t something that we’re going to be dealing with for a couple of weeks, but more likely months.

Whether you are single and dealing with the loneliness of self-isolation, a couple who are both trying to work from home, a whole family with children who need to be entertained and home-schooled, or housemates who are finding communal living difficult, we’re all struggling to find a new ‘normal’. Add financial instability, an overload of information, daily briefings about global infections and deaths, and the ultimate fear of the unknown, and it’s not hard to see that this is a terrible time for everyone.

People everywhere are facing challenges - some of them are unique but most are universal. What we all have in common is the reality that our normal routines have been cast aside, and we are grieving for our former daily lives.

I’ll admit that the first two weeks at home were hellish. I was super stressed about getting my sister back home to Canada and that’s pretty much all that I focused on. I wasn’t sleeping well, I wasn’t eating well and I wasn’t following our normal routines. The house became a mess. I became a mess. It wasn’t until my sister safely landed in Montreal, that I turned a corner.

Once that immediate stress had been resolved, I was able to digest what I was feeling and starting thinking about what I could do to start feeling better. Usually when I get stuck or need some advice, I like to do my ‘homework’ and gather information. From there it’s a matter of what will work best for me and family. Here’s what I learned in the past few weeks and what has worked / not worked for me. I know everyone’s circumstances are different but I hope you might find some of these lessons helpful.

Lesson 1: Everyone is struggling in their own way so we’ve got to be kind to each other

There has been a lot of blame and anger going around. That’s understandable but we can’t compare ourselves to others during this time. I really feel for parents of young children who are trying to balance working from home and child-rearing. I also think about those who have lost their jobs or don’t have any safety nets or a place to live. And, what about health-care providers and grocery store workers and bus drivers? The only way to get through this is to try not to think of it as a competition of who has it worse. I may not relate to someone who is ‘bored’ or is self-isolating in their mansion - but I can’t be a hater right now. It takes too much energy. Being kind is so much easier and it makes me feel better. So, instead I try to think about how lucky I am. My husband’s job is secure, my family is safe and healthy and I am cautiously hopeful that eventually things will get better.

Lesson 2: Too much information will stress you out

Every day for three weeks, the first thing I would do in the morning was grab my phone and scroll through Twitter. Coffee in hand I would then plop down on the couch and flip through various news channels. Before I knew it, it was time for the PM’s daily briefing. By noon I was exhausted and completely stressed out from the new restrictions and closures, dire predictions and increasing tallies of the sick and dying. Sprinkle some Trump in there and the endless barrage of ‘we don’t know’ and ‘time will tell’, was making me super anxious. I realized that I had to stop. It’s been four days since I barred myself from this type of news overload. Now I only watch one news program in the morning and I check Twitter once after dinner. It has already made a huge difference.

Lesson 3: Being ‘alone’ together is challenging

I’m an introvert. I like being by myself. My idea of a great night is staying at home alone. I also already worked from home before the virus hit, so in many ways, I am really ok with self-isolation. However, that’s not the case for the majority of my family and friends - especially my husband or son. They are both extroverts and like being social. It’s been hard on them and there have been more than few moments of tension among the three of us - being alone together - ALL the time. We’ve had to be more patient with each other and more understanding about the need for us to have our own sense of space and autonomy. We’re become more conscious of family time - vs couple time - vs alone time. By being open and non-judgmental with each other, we’ve been finding it much easier to get along.

Lesson 4: If this is going to be our new normal for a while, we have to figure out how to live with it

After what seemed like two weeks of an endless weekend - pajamas all day, NETFLIX all night, no set bedtimes and lots of snacks - we realized that things need to change. There seemed to be a slew of advice about working from home (WFH) but no one seemed to have any advice for living from home. We talked as a family about establishing a new ‘at home’ schedule. We decided to treat the week like ‘before’. We set wake up and bedtimes (even for us adults), we set meal times, we scheduled school time, work time and play times. On the weekend, we do our usually sleep in, household chores and family time. Getting back to a routine has made a huge impact on us. We are all being more productive and feeling less stressed about the unknown. By finding our way back to living in the present, we’ve been able to bring some normalcy back to our lives.

Lesson 5: Be easy on yourself and then start again

I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety and in the midst of a global pandemic, my tendency to overthink and stress out about things makes it easy for me to spiral out of control in an unhealthy way. Maybe it’s my experience dealing with my own mental health that has allowed me to be more aware of my feelings and how to control them. The first thing I try to do is give myself permission to ‘not be ok’. I’ve cried. I’ve gotten angry - real angry. I’ve been scared. I’ve had terrible dreams about an apocalyptic ending of the world. And, that’s ok. It’s ok to cry, to get mad, to be afraid and feel sad. It’s ok to not shower everyday or take a nap in the middle of the afternoon, or binge-watch mindless television. You got to be easy on yourself — feel your feelings - and then pick yourself up, and start again.

Lesson 6: Live in the present

I’m a bit of a perfectionist and part of that is my tendency to want to plan everything. Well, it’s hard to plan for the future during a global pandemic! Instead, I’ve realized that the only thing I can do is to live in the present. That means taking action. It means showering and putting on fresh clothes everyday. It means having a sense of purpose for my day, whether that’s helping my son with his at-home learning, cleaning the bathroom, organizing paperwork, updating my resume and website, or applying for government assistance.

Lesson 7: Learn to accept what’s out of your control and try to embrace change

I can’t focus on what I have no control over - it leaves me feeling frustrated and exhausted. Instead, I try to let go of those certain circumstances or decisions that are not in my power to control. Doing this has helped me to move on and focus my energy more positively - because I can’t change reality but I can change how I respond. It's easy to get so wrapped up in the details of an event that you blow it out of proportion. I am trying to avoid "catastrophizing" and instead focus in on the real (or most realistic) impact to me and my family. Because there will always be change. Instead of concentrating on the disruptive aspects, I am trying to take a flexible approach and accept that change is a fundamental part of life that can also bring opportunities and positive outcomes. In fact, one positive outcome for us has been eating really well (healthy, home-cooked meals instead of last-minute take-out).

Lesson 8: Keep communicating with the people you care about

My sister-in-law organized an impromptu ‘Houseparty’ online for immediate family after about the two week mark of our self-isolation. Within five minutes of shared screen times with loved ones, we were laughing for the first time in weeks. It was great to see everyone’s faces and talk about anything other than COVID. It was exactly what we didn’t know we needed. A few days later my husband had a scheduled Zoom video birthday party for one of his closest friends. Up to ten guys sat in their respective houses and talked, and drank and laughed through the night. “It was an awesome night”, he said, despite his hang-over the next morning.

By keeping lines of communication open with the people we care about, we feel ‘connected’. Whether it’s a quick text or an Instagram post, or a phone call (I haven’t been on the phone this much since 1985!), checking in on each other is mutually beneficial. Having people around you with whom you can share feelings, discuss problems and receive advice is an essential part of weathering life’s storms - because together we are better.

Lesson 9: Keep doing the things that you love

I love to read and I love listening to music. When I am feeling anxious, I tend to forget about doing the things I love. During the last few weeks, I have made a conscious decision to return to the things I love because simply put, they make me feel better. So now, in the morning I get up an extra hour earlier so I can read everyday. When I am cooking, I turn up the music and sing along and bust out my dance moves (despite the excessive eye-rolling and snickering from my teenager). Whatever ‘your thing’ is, if you love it, do it.

Lesson 10: Try to stay positive, and if all else fails, put on a comedy

Don’t worry, be happy. Keep calm and carry on. This too shall pass. I will survive. Use whatever mantra or quote you need to use to keep yourself motivated, calm and positive during this time. My personal favourite is “take it one day at a time”. This doesn’t mean you have to have a positive feeling about every negative situation, it just means that despite something going wrong you believe you can and will do your best to deal with the situation and move forward.

And, if all else fails, put on your favourite comedy. It only takes one episode of Schitt’s Creek and for a moment, I forget about my troubles and through the laughter I feel like we might just be ok after all.