How to get out of the new year’s resolution rut and make real change this year
How to approach your goals with self-compassion
January 27, 2026
By Aviva Boxer, Registered Psychotherapist
January is a month full of possibility and expectation! And…thank goodness it’s almost over. Yet as we look ahead to February, the weight of expectation doesn’t get much lighter. By this point in the year, many of us have made resolutions and already abandoned a few of them. You may have heard the statistic that 80% of resolutions fail within the first month. The first month! This is happening right now, in real time, as so many of us consciously or unconsciously return to the status quo.
“Ask yourself: what do you truly want to change, and why does it matter to you?”
Nearly half of Canadians make resolutions each year, often focused on health, finances, relationships, and hobbies. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be better than ever and finally achieve the changes we’ve been dreaming about for months or years. Each year is supposed to be the year we finally change, achieve our goals, and become our best selves. And when we don’t follow through, it can hurt - a lot.
Not following through on resolutions can feel discouraging and erode our belief in our own ability to grow and change. Repeatedly abandoning goals can lead to the belief that even when we make a promise to ourselves, we aren’t really going to keep it. Giving up becomes familiar and expected.
Rethinking resolutions: Any moment can be a fresh start
Perhaps the problem isn’t that we fail, maybe the problem is in making resolutions in the first place. Why do we even have this tradition? How does it actually help us?
Instead of yearly resolutions that fail within weeks, what if we treated any moment as an opportunity for renewal and started when we were ready? This approach isn’t flashy or glamorous, but it’s often more effective. Real, lasting personal growth rarely comes from dramatic declarations; it comes from small, intentional choices over time.
Ask yourself: what do you truly want to change, and why does it matter to you? Maybe you want to spend less on groceries, exercise three times a week, or prioritize self-care. Instead of pressuring yourself or feeling guilty for not doing it perfectly, try cultivating curiosity, self-compassion, and self-trust.
What curiosity, self-compassion, and self-trust look like
Curiosity invites exploration rather than judgment.
Instead of asking, “Why can’t I ever stick to anything?” curiosity asks gentler, more useful questions:
“What usually gets in the way of me cooking at home?”
“When do I feel most motivated to move my body - and when do I resist it?”
“What am I hoping this change will give me?”
If you want to spend less on groceries, curiosity might look like noticing when and why you overspend. Is it when you’re tired, overstimulated, or trying to soothe yourself after a long day? There is no failure here, only information. Curiosity turns “I messed up” into “Oh, this makes sense,” and from that place, real change becomes possible.
Self-compassion means responding to yourself with kindness when things don’t go as planned - instead of punishment or shame. Change is uncomfortable, and discomfort often triggers old habits. Self-compassion recognizes this without giving up.
For example:
“This week didn’t go the way I hoped, and that’s disappointing - and I’m still worthy of care.”
“I can acknowledge that I overdid it without tearing myself down.”
“It’s okay to reset instead of quitting.”
If your goal was to work out three times a week and you only made it once, self-compassion sounds like: “One workout is still movement. What helped me show up that day?” Shame shuts down motivation; compassion keeps the door open.
Self-trust grows when we make small, realistic commitments to ourselves - and keep them. It’s not built through grand promises or dramatic transformations, but through consistency and honesty.
For example:
Choosing a grocery budget that feels slightly challenging but doable - and adjusting as you learn
Starting with one strength workout a week and letting that be enough
Listening when something feels unsustainable instead of forcing yourself to push through
Self-trust also means believing that if you drift off course, you’ll come back - not because you “should,” but because you care about yourself. It’s the quiet confidence that says: “I can handle this. I can make changes at my own pace.”
Lasting change doesn’t come from pressure, perfection, or January deadlines. It comes from a relationship with yourself built on curiosity instead of criticism, compassion instead of shame, and trust instead of force. Any moment can be a moment of renewal - not because you’ve failed, but because you’re human.
Take the next step: support for personal growth
Sometimes, building curiosity, self-compassion, and self-trust on your own can feel overwhelming. Working with a therapist for personal development can help you identify patterns, navigate setbacks, and build lasting change with guidance and support.
If you’re ready to explore your goals and create sustainable change, consider connecting with a therapist or booking a free consultation with us to start your journey today.