Why Are We So Afraid of Change?
By Carly Fleming, M.Ed. RP
Registered Psychotherapist
Change can be scary.
When changes are forced upon us, we often react with resistance even if the change has the potential to be positive. Or we may realize that we are unhappy or unfulfilled in a certain area in our life but when we consider change as a way to grow and improve, we often recoil in fear and do nothing instead. What’s going on here? Why are we so afraid to change?
The answer, in a word, is UNCERTAINTY.
It is completely normal to be drawn to certainty. In many ways, certainty is what allows us to function in the world. If we lived every day in chaos and upheaval (as some people do), chances are, we would be filled with stress and fear – no one wants this.
However, not all uncertainty is chaotic. And not all unfamiliarity is upheaval. But for many people, when they consider change, their brains automatically go into ‘fight, flight or freeze’ and they are now in a caveman-like struggle for survival. Whew, that sounds exhausting!
Let’s look at the elements of our fear of change.
The blame-game
As we’ve discussed in this blog before, humans are a sense-making species. We really don’t like it when things happen that we can’t make sense of. Therefore, we are quick to assign blame and responsibility to things that are outside of our control.
In the context of change, this means that we may look into the future, consider the possibility that our change didn’t work out, and immediately imagine who would be to blame for this. If we have been in the driver’s seat of the change, we imagine that it would be our own fault if things go wrong, and we quickly recoil, not wanting to be the target for our own blame. The thought of being responsible for something not going well can make us scared and therefore we pull back on the change or suffer through paralyzing anxiety.
But the fact is, as an adult, you are responsible for every action you take in your life and this is a beautiful thing. If you can re-frame personal responsibility not as something to be scared of but something to empower you to step into your truth, you will step out of the blame game and into courageous action.
Low tolerance for uncertainty
A significant factor in anxiety is low tolerance for uncertainty. And for many people, when big changes arise, they notice that anxiety is sure to follow. Consider that these feelings of anxiety may simply be your reluctance to face uncertainty.
Framed this way, it becomes clear that the issue to address isn’t the change itself or the anxiety response, but how you cope when uncertainty rises. If you can work on increasing your tolerance for uncertainty, you may find that your fear of change decreases and you will be better equipped to navigate any kinds of changes that life throws at you. Increasing your tolerance for uncertainty can be a life-long meaningful journey but you can start by working on one simple and profound tool.
The tool is present-moment awareness. When you are better able to be present in the moment, you will be less likely to pulled in by worst-case scenario thinking or predicting the future.
To read more about present-moment awareness, check out this article from Positive Psychology.
Lack of confidence in your own resilience
In any area of life, fear emerges when we don’t feel well-equipped to deal with the threat. When faced with big changes, our best tool is our own resilience and inner resources.
But when we feel insecure or we question these things within ourselves, it’s easy to understand why fear takes over. Each and every person has tools, strengths and inner resources to deal with difficulty and overcome challenges. If you are not able to consider yourself in this light, make the commitment to work on this within yourself.
And please recognize that it isn’t fear of change that’s the problem – it’s your own lack of confidence in your resilience. Once you are able to see yourself more clearly, you will quickly see the fear melt away.
Absence of a growth mindset
When dealing with change, there is no such thing as a “good” or a “bad” outcome. Thinking in these terms is a sure-fire way to limit your growth and self-awareness and bring about fear of change.
When you approach your life with a growth mindset, you are able to see that every challenge you face, every change you encounter, and every mistake you make will lead to growth. If you can see it this way, immediately your fear will be reduced because there’s no such thing as a terrible outcome. You will be less fearful of making a mistake because you can rest in the knowing that you will learn and grow, regardless of what happens. And you will know that you can learn from each and every mistake along the way, changing course as you go, in order to navigate the stress that will inevitably emerge.
If you’ve been fearing change and feeling resistance to the forced or the chosen changes in your life, consider which of the above factors may be at play. But please know that change is possible, you are capable, and the future is bright!
Fearful or feeling resistant about a life change?
Life is a series of changes but every once in a while it can help to have an objective third party to guide you when things become to hard to handle on your own. It can be helpful to work with a mental health professional in order to work through your options and considerations. Learn more about Life Transitions Counselling here.
When you’re ready, we can help.
Book a free 30 minute consultation and let’s talk about it.