How are your relationships serving you? Are there changes that could allow these relationships to serve you better? What holds you back from making the changes that would allow your relationships to shine more light on your life as opposed to taking away your shine and joy? This reflection may take a while – these are hard questions to wrestle with – especially for people pleasers.
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Overnight, our homes became our offices, classrooms, playgrounds, spas, restaurants, movie theatres and whatever other function you had to fashion out of four walls. It’s now April 2022 and along with the flowers, new hope is budding. We are emerging from a 2-year hibernation, and we finally seem to have the space to look around and reassess our spaces.
Clearing the physical clutter and build-up can be an amazing nudge towards clearing out the mental clutter and mess that this pandemic has left in its wake.
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This month, we have decided to highlight the courageous acts and people from various parts of the world where people are being forced to face fear, terror and violence on a daily basis. We want to share their words and experiences. They are the experts and we are honoured to move the spotlight of our blog onto these folks, however small that spotlight might be.
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Exhaustion, body changes, pregnancy fears, interruptions from baby, and feeling touched out could all serve to activate the inhibitory sexual response system that just says “No way, I can’t get there right now.”
This is especially true when babies are very small or are high-needs and they require so much from their primary caregivers.
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We’d like to introduce you to the concept of sexual brakes and accelerators. We were introduced to this concept in Emily Nagoski’s incredible book Come As You Are (which we highly recommend). The concept is very simple – there are things that act as accelerators of our desire and other things that act as brakes. The “things” can be sights, sounds, ideas, memories, sensations, etc. Most people have a general sense that there are certain things that turn them on sexually and others that turn them off. But rarely do we stop to deeply consider how we can use the concepts of sexual brakes and accelerators to enhance our sexual experiences.
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What I have noticed is: 1) people seek therapy for many different challenges like stress management, trauma processing, relationships issues, gender exploration and thousands of other unique reasons; and 2) there are some common themes that emerge around why someone has taken the step to actually seek assistance from a mental health professional.
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What I have noticed is: 1) people seek therapy for many different challenges like stress management, trauma processing, relationships issues, gender exploration and thousands of other unique reasons; and 2) there are some common themes that emerge around why someone has taken the step to actually seek assistance from a mental health professional.
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Spark some JOY
As another tough year approaches it’s end, we wanted to use this platform to make room for JOY.
That’s why we asked the everwell team on their perspectives and experiences with JOY; what it is and how to find it.
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“Window of tolerance” refers to a zone of 'arousal' or stimulation in which people are able to function and thrive in everyday life.
In this blog post we’d like to use this concept to help you develop some awareness of the cues that your body and mind may be sending you when you are outside of your window of tolerance.
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Stress is a reality for all of us. There is no way to get through life without dealing with stress.
On the one hand, it is helpful to approach stress with acceptance in order to live with as much ease as possible. On the other hand, when dealing with large amounts of constant stress, it is important to realize that it doesn’t always have to be this way.
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This month at everwell we’ve been focusing on challenging the societal narratives that uphold ‘Grind Culture’. There are many narratives that are common in our culture that prioritize productivity, achievement, and busy-ness over rest, self-care and groundedness. We are all carrying these narratives with us in some form or another. But even when we begin to challenge these narratives, many of us run into resistance to the idea of rest and the actions needed to step out of the ‘grind’ we are so used to. So let’s take a look at this resistance and how it might be showing up for you.
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Productivity above peace, efficiency above joy, results above rest. This kind of culture is often associated with the “hustle” of entrepreneurship or climbing the corporate ladder. But it is by no means limited to these realms. Regardless of employment status, many people are grinding, hustling, and pushing their limits for the majority of their waking hours. It takes the form of never-ending to-do lists, squeezing productivity out of every possible moment, booking back-to-back-to-back engagements and obligations.
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As mammals we are a social species. We have evolved to rely on being “accepted” in our social groups as a way to survive. In the stone age, rejection from a social group could literally mean death. Given this, it makes sense that human beings developed the essential skill of people pleasing. Because our culture values people pleasing so highly, attempts to set boundaries with others and nurture our relationship with ourselves are often met with displeasure or rejection from people around us. Simply recognizing that the impulse to please is not required in the moment, but instead an instinctual or conditioned response can create enough space for you to look at it objectively.
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The best way to make our mark is through the choices we make each and every day. This September, I’m bringing colour and light to this month of transitions. Part of the reason for writing this blog post is to share this re-frame with you but part of it is to hold myself accountable. By putting this down in words, I hope to get to the end of this month with a sense of pride, peace and ease. Want to join me?
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Yes, we can gather with friends, attend sporting events, go out for dinner, spend a day at the mall, etc., etc. But these things are not the same as they were post-pandemic. Whether it’s discussion with friends about vaccination status, navigating the anxiety that’s associated with sitting close to strangers at an event, wondering if the sore throat you have may not be allergies after all…things are not “normal”.
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We’ve been talking and writing about change this month and two questions that have come up over and over again are “how do I know when it’s the right time to make a change?” and “how do I know if this is the right change to make?”. Given that these are the questions people are asking, we will endeavor to answer!
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When changes are forced upon us, we often react with resistance even if the change has the potential to be positive. Or we may realize that we are unhappy or unfulfilled in a certain area in our life but when we consider change as a way to grow and improve, we often recoil in fear and do nothing instead. What’s going on here? Why are we so afraid to change?
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Over the past year, the whole world has been forced to change in ways that have been unfamiliar and unexpected. Each and every person has lived a different version of this but nonetheless, there has been an enormous amount of change forced upon us that we did not choose. And for some, there has been change that is chosen.
Let’s take a look at how these kinds of changes are different from one another.
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Trust is a part of the foundation of a healthy relationship. It’s encouraging while being built, and fulfilling when strong and constant. It’s painful when broken and often painful to heal, though trust truly can be healed if it becomes damaged. In this article, Registered Psychotherapist (Q) Mikaela Gossman-Bond introduces the concept of trust in romantic relationships using the metaphor of a book.
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